Lindsay Gurka

There’s a real back and forth happening on the inside of me. A tug of war between my heart and my brain. A desire to protect and a desire to break free. A battle of “I’m not good enough” and “I can do anything”. A teetering between the pride I feel for the degrees I’ve earned, and the fear that I was just good at faking it.

And I’m sitting here wondering if this is one of those life-defining moments where my mindset cranks in the right direction and everything goes marvelously. The clouds part and the sun shines, and suddenly I’m doing what I love for a living and not even realizing my whole life has been headed in this direction and everything changes for the better.

It could be that. It could be another dead end. But at this rate, the fear of not going for it is strong enough that I’m over here dumping all of this onto a blank page and terrified of hitting that submit button.

But the only way out of this cluster-fuck mess of insecurity is to go through it. Do the hard stuff. So here it goes.

I’m not sure what exactly this site is going to offer. Maybe just random postings like this where I try to be a little more honest with the world, or maybe they’re poems I’m trying to work out, or bits of stories that I’m writing, or maybe even responses to journal prompts I find in all the writing books I’m devouring. In any case, this is the beginning of releasing my chaos into the world. With my fingers crossed and the hopes running wild, here goes nothing.

~Lindsay